If you have this attachment style, it is killing your success

Attachment styles are a popular framework used by many today, but what exactly is your 'attachment style'?

Your attachment style refers to the way you have built close, long-lasting bonds, first with your mother and father and later with other people.

If you had caregivers who were reliable and responsive to your needs most of the time, you were essentially afforded the privilege of what is called a “secure attachment.”

Then you will grow up and be able to approach your relationships with the same receptivity, security and warmth that you received as a baby.

A secure attachment style is a valuable resource when it comes to success in all areas of life. When you are firmly connected, you have a stronger foundation and a greater 'emotional reserve' to draw on for any challenge that comes your way in relationships or business.

Simply put, you are more resilient and can bounce back better from any challenge that comes your way in relationships, business and health.

But what if you haven't been lucky enough to have a secure attachment style?

What if, like 40% of the populationyou have what they call a insecure attachment style?

If you are someone with an anxious, disorganized, or avoidant attachment style, you will want to be aware of this. 3 Major Ways Insecure Attachment Patterns Sabotage Your Success.

Also know that it is absolutely possible to heal and develop what is called “earned secure attachment.”

#1: Insecure attachment makes us reluctant to take healthy risks.

Being risk averse means: “not being willing to take risks or wanting to avoid risks as much as possible.”

Research has shown that people who are insecurely attached take more risks.

However, this only applies in the context of unhealthy risk taking associated with so-called 'fast-life' strategies.

In other words, insecure attachment can cause us to take uncontrolled risks in the short term, at the expense of our long-term health and success.

In fact To research have shown that insecurely attached individuals, raised in unpredictable environments, adopt fast life strategies that focus on short-term gains and neglect long-term gains, and develop a distorted view of risk/safety.

This sabotages our long-term success because we take unhealthy, uncontrolled risks in the short term.

Often, someone who is insecurely attached does not take the risks that will bring him or her positive outcomes in life.

I'm not talking about standing on the edge of a cliff to take a cool photo for social media.

I'm talking about healthy risk-taking behavior, such as accepting emotional and psychological risks to reach out and make a new connection.

That emotional risk requires you to be vulnerable and regulate your emotions. People who feel unsafe have difficulty with that.

Also consider the well-thought-out steps required to execute a business plan.

Or the willingness to spend money testing new ways to acquire customers and closely observe the results of those tests.

These types of healthy risks are essential to one's success and ability to create an infinite life.

If you have an insecure attachment, you will not have the security and stability within yourself that you need to feel safe to go out into the world and take the big steps that you need to take.

What is the solution?

Give yourself back the stability and reliable care you didn't get as a baby.

This may mean making sure you already have everything you need to take big steps toward your destination.

“Understanding your own attachment style can be a powerful tool for personal growth and improving your relationships.” – Amir Levine

#2: It will be harder to build quality relationships with people

The value of human relationships lies in the mutual connection that you both feel.

This connection keeps you connected to each other and adds real value to your lives in the form of warmth and security.

However, these types of connections can only be established if you are okay with intimacy.

Unfortunately, people who form insecure attachments not only feel uncomfortable with intimacy, they often see it as unsafe.

This means that if you have an insecure attachment, you are likely not likely to trust intimacy, relationships, or people as quickly.

In fact, it will be a struggle for you to value connection and intimacy.

As such, you run the risk sabotage Your relationships and the quality of each of your relationships will also be lower.

In the context of your business and career, you are more likely to be excluded by your colleagues or unable to adapt to your boss’s requests. This can lead to faster isolation and a lower chance of promotion in the workplace.

All of this leads to less life satisfaction and less success, because the quality of your life is directly related to the quality of the relationships you build.

The solution?

Constantly strive to remove your masks and build intimacy with people you trust (and who are worth it).

Reach out and connect with a vulnerable story or simple playfulness. This helps to massage through the knots of fear and trauma you have developed around intimacy.

In the workplace, the solution is to be less anxious and instead develop the ability to align with the goals of your team or boss.

#3: You can't handle conflict

How do you feel when conflicts arise in your relationship or at work?
Do you tend to feel stressed and overwhelmed? Or are you quite relaxed and can go into the conflict knowing that it will be okay (and that you will be okay)?

Worse yet, are you known for escalating conflicts further (perhaps unintentionally and unnecessarily)?

The way you deal with conflict is strongly influenced by your attachment patternsand this is why…

That's because your attachment style shaped your nervous system, probably before you could string two sentences together.

If your mother (or caregiver) did not always raise, respond, and care for you well, you quickly learned that you had to increase your calls for attention and closeness.

If you are an anxiously attached person, this causes your nervous system to go from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye.

If you are avoidant, you completely shut down your attachment system and are completely unable to be present during key moments of conflict in your working relationship.

The bottom line is that your relationships will deteriorate faster because you can't be emotionally and physically present during a conflict.

When you are anxious, you may escalate conflicts too quickly and completely sabotage your relationships, causing you to lose your partner's trust in the blink of an eye.

How do you solve this?

If you are anxiously attached, learn to Recognize your triggers.

Consciously notice that the stress in your body is increasing and literally take a deep breath.

Make it audible and visible if necessary. You don't have to be afraid of judgment.

Give yourself some time to de-escalate your own stress and then return to the conflict with fresh eyes.

How to make sure your attachment style never holds you back again

TTo ensure that your insecure attachment patterns never hinder you in life again, you need to use reliable anchors that help you get back into a state of trusting connection.

It doesn't matter if you have avoidant, anxious or disorganized attachment patterns. They are all on a spectrum and at the core of it are two things:

#1: The deep fear that you are not worthy of love, connection, and happiness.

#2: And a lack of trust in vulnerability, connection and intimacy.

Intimacy doesn't just mean physical, but also emotional and spiritual.

So what you need to do is have a specific, beautiful memory of a positive connection with someone from your past.

You can also choose to watch or listen to a song or movie scene every time you feel like you are sabotaging your career or relationships.

Something that calms your nervous system and makes you more willing to connect with others.

Of course, this has to be personal to you and you know better than anyone which anchors will work to provide the “safe base” you need and the care you have not been reliably receiving.