Imagine you’re at a restaurant with a group of friends. You’ve ordered appetizers, maybe a bottle of wine for the table, you’ve splurged on dessert… and then the check arrives.
No one offers to pay the whole bill. So how do you handle the bill? Do you split it equally between everyone at the table? What if you just had a salad and your buddy had the surf and turf special?
Splitting the bill is a fine artWhether you're dining with the whole family at a Korean barbecue joint or a three-course meal at a fancy restaurant, there should be “a sense of equity in how the bill is split” when the meal ends, says Kiki Aranitaa food editor at New York magazine and the former co-chef and owner of Poi Dog, a Hawaiian restaurant in Philadelphia.
She discusses common situations you may encounter when dining out with a large group, and how to minimize awkwardness by keeping things fair and equitable.
Scenario 1: I arrived late for dinner. Everyone at the table has already ordered drinks and appetizers and is about to order their main courses. What should I do?
When you’re ready to order, tell the server you want your food and drinks on a separate bill, Aranita says. “It’s easier to deal with than having to split a bill into complicated percentages at the end of the night.”
If you do opt for separate bills, tell your server at the beginning of the meal, not at the end. That way, they can take everyone’s individual orders. Not every establishment offers this option, but it doesn’t hurt to ask.
Scenario 2: Everyone ordered alcohol except me. And now they want to split the bill fairly!
Speak up, says Aranita. “Just say, 'Hey guys, I haven't been drinking.' Usually that's enough to get everyone to reconsider the bill and make it fairer. The problems only arise when you don't speak up.”
If you find yourself ordering $20 cocktail drinks over and over again, be aware of the people in your party who didn't order as much as you did. When the bill comes, “maybe take a bigger chunk of the tip” to offset your drinks, Aranita says.
Scenario 3: We are a party of six. Is it okay to ask the waiter to split the bill six ways?
Many restaurants now have updated POS systems that make it easier for servers to split the bill in a variety of ways, Aranita says. But that doesn’t always mean you should ask them to do it.
Aranita, who has also been a bartender and server, recommends two to four credit cards at most. Servers “have enough on their plate” when working with a large party, especially on a busy night. And it’s not ideal to have multiple cards with different tip percentages.
“If there are six of you, just put down two credit cards” and Venmo each other what you owe, she says. This approach also works great for that person in your group who is obsessed with racking up credit card points.
Scenario 4: It’s my birthday. Shouldn’t my friends pay for my dinner?
In American culture, it’s assumed that if your friends take you out to dinner for your birthday, they’ll pay for your meal. But that’s not always the case, says Aranita.
If you’re hosting your own birthday dinner, don’t expect people to pay for you, she says. You picked the restaurant and invited your friends on your terms. So in this scenario, you’re putting your card down at the end of the meal. Your dinner companions might pay your tab, but if they don’t, “that’s OK. You’re saying, ‘I can celebrate myself and pay for myself, too.’”
Scenario 5: It’s my friends’ first time at my favorite restaurant. I’m going to order an appetizer that I think everyone at the table will like. We’ll split the cost, right?
It can be easy to get carried away by a favorite restaurant’s menu, but don’t assume your dinner companions will be as excited about the twice-fried onion rings. “You should ask permission at the beginning of the meal. Say, ‘Hey, is it okay if I order appetizers for the table?’” says Aranita. If you forget to ask this question, assume you’ll be paying for the order.
This episode is produced by Sylvie Douglis. The digital story is edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We'd love to hear from you. Leave a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
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